This is not a love letter 2.0

Things that will remind me of you:

  1. Long Facebook conversations and Facebook in general. 8tracks. 9gag. pinterest.
  2. The Men’s clothing section anywhere. Pantaloons.
  3. Words: grim and solemn, frustu, fonzie, kissyface, tongle
  4. Beer >.< (ohdeargod)
  5. Bananas. Not in that way
  6. The blues
  7. Tom Waits, Joe Bonamassa, Feist, The Grateful Dead
  8. Pine Moon, Sweet Thing, The Boogie Man Song, I Wanna Do Bad Things To You, I Want You, Hold On, Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head, Evergreen Tree, that happy-sounding depressing song, Lover, Bloom
  9. KFC, Starmark- South City
  10. Steinbeck, American Psycho, The Wind Up Bird Chronicle, Black Book, Mohsin Hamid, The Sandman comics
  11. Book lights
  12. Bearded men. (Not bearded women. That would be strange, and hard to come across)
  13. Publishing houses
  14. Bachhan’s dhaba, Balwant Singh’s dhaba and doodh cola (The last isn’t something I will miss. At all)
  15. The vestibule in metros.
  16. Oxford bookstore
  17. Summer
  18. Durgapur (heh heh and frustration)
  19. Hobos. Yes really. Facepalm.
  20. Zen, chilled out people, stoners *shakes head in frustration*
  21. Hungary. Schenectady! Calcutta.
  22. Golf Green
  23. The smell of smoke
  24. My room in my upstairs-flat, my room in my downstairs-flat, Rupsha’s balcony (ohshit Rupsha’s place in general), Sattam’s place, Arunava’s place.
  25. Action. Haha. Sex-ed.
  26. Pork fat. *shudders*
  27. Ebola. HIV. Kaala azar. Filaria (haha quite disgusting this is turning out to be)
  28. School of Tropical Medicine, SCTR
  29. The JU backstairs, CL Ledge
  30. Picadilly, waffles, pancakes, Maidan, Metro cinema near Esplanade
  31. Rango. (Hah hah)
  32. Electricians called Mawna 😀
  33. The =* smiley. Also the tranny smiley but ohwell. And the smug blowjob face smiley.
  34. Blue jeans. Dirty jeans.
  35. My Jimi Hendrix slippers that are two sizes too big
  36. Goa.
  37. Someday by The Beatles. But that is more out of panic from the mater calling at inopportune moments
  38. Port Wine.
  39. The period belt, Daler Mehendi, Balle Balle Boyz (whatthefuck.)
  40. My own body (and now this is just unfair, damn you)
  41. Very skinny people.
  42. Weed. Cigarettes. Clearly you’re a great influence.
  43. Taaja’s. Old songs from the 1920’s.
  44. Incessant texting
  45. Keep Calm and Murder Everyone. (very sound life advice, this)
  46. Ohwell.
  47. Squishing
  48. Albacoon
  49. Ha’pant aar chhera ganji
  50. Cartoon songs

Most things it seems will remind me of you, for some time to come.


This is not a Love-Letter

So I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we just make up our own language and fill it up with words that no one else knows, words that came into existence as we spoke? Let’s just create these things, because the thought of it is exhilarating to me.You are exhilarating to me. You are a beautiful thing, filling up my brain, taking up residence in all these cracks and crevices so that you leave me hardly any room to think of anything else. 

Beautiful. That’s not a word I use too much for people. You are a beautiful feeling- that moment when my breath catches in my throat for a brief second, when my heart does a back flip, only I accidentally call it a flip-flop because I’m too incoherent to even know what I’m saying anymore- it’s fleeting and forever all at the same time. It’s terrifying. 

Beautiful. You are beautiful. I overuse this word for things I love- for prose and poetry and Neruda and places and food. But not for boys, no, never, how could a boy- a real live one not made of celluloid screens- be beautiful, y’know? But you are. It’s not just your face, or that one mole you have on your shoulder below your left collarbone. It’s not the way that your too-tall skinny frame fits perfectly into mine when we’re lying side by side. It’s not those stupid sudden endearing things you do like the way you kiss my nose, or that jolt I feel when I look up at you and realize that I want you. I look at you up close, our noses almost touching, and I’m floored. 

It’s a feeling in the gut of your stomach, y’know? Almost a queasy one because you realize you’re in trouble, but you can’t- don’t want to stop. It’s the one that has been making me increasingly soppy and sappy and gooey-eyed with accelerating speed.

You are my summer. You’re the hard sunshine making me blink in the sudden light, you’re the cool comfort in the air when it rains. You are this insane whirlwind of colour, this really chill tangled mess that I want to run away to places with, metaphorically speaking, literally speaking. 

You are here now. With me.

Books from Summer

  1. The Great Indian Novel- Shashi Tharoor
  2. Underground- Haruki Murakami
  3. Animal Farm- George Orwell
  4. The Fault in Our Stars- John Green
  5. Persepolis- Marjane Satrapi
  6. Of Mice and Men- John Steinbeck
  7. Uncle Dynamite- P.G Wodehouse
  8. A Long Way Down- Nick Hornby
  9. The Invention of Morel- Adolfo Bioy Casares
  10. The Perks of Being a Wallflower- Stephen Chbosky
  11. Kafka on the Shore- Haruki Murakami
  12. Good Omens- Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

Pre-Fall Shopping List (to get me through the year)

Fall may be just about the dressiest season with all them layers and cardigans. Summer basically means maximum exposure and bright colours. Winter is cowering underneath coats and scarves and boots. But Fall- Fall means dressing UP 🙂

Stuff I picked and chose from across the net:

Always in Season

  • Black tank.

    A white tank has its place—at the gym or on casual outings—but a black one is more universal. Dress it up with dark jeans or a skirt.

  • Short-sleeved white T-shirt.

    White tees become unwearable quickly, so skip the costly designer versions and buy a bunch of good-looking inexpensive ones. Then replace as needed.

  • Short-sleeved black T-shirt.

    The best short-sleeve length is about 1/2 to 1 inch longer than a typical cap sleeve—it shows just the right amount of arm.

  • Long-sleeved white T-shirt.

    For a trim silhouette in white, choose a slim-fit T-shirt that skims your body but doesn’t cling.

  • Long-sleeved black T-shirt.

    A surprisingly sophisticated layering piece, this works well under a dress shirt—or even a dress.

  • Black turtleneck.

    Consider investing in cashmere: You get more warmth with less bulk.

  • White button-down shirt (one cotton, one silky).

    Fitted ones will get the most wear: They’re easier to tuck in and look neat when left out.

  • Crisp white blouse.

    Softer looking than a button-down, a white blouse is a timeless addition to any wardrobe.

  • Crewneck sweater.

    Thin knits, in cotton or wool, layer easily for versatility and comfort.

  • Cardigan.

    A neutral shade goes with everything, and a longer style that hits at the hip flatters most figures.

  • A black dress.

    The “little black dress” is a cliche for a reason: It’s a wardrobe necessity.

  • Pencil skirt.

    This classic piece should be tailored so it grazes the tops of the knees.

  • Jeans.

    It’s worth paying extra for jeans that fit and flatter. Your best bet? A dark, bootcut pair made from stretch denim with no more than 2 percent Lycra. (The fabric will follow your curves while keeping its shape.)

  • Black pants.

    To get the most from this wardrobe staple, select a style made of an all-season fabric, like tropical wool or viscose.

  • Skinny jeans.

    Once considered a trend, they are now a denim staple. Skinny jeans look best when they don’t fit too snugly at the waist.

  • Khaki pants.

    For a casual, comfortable look, forget the pleats (a flat front is more flattering) and forgo the front crease.

  • Denim jacket.

    A dark wash and a slim fit look the most polished.

  • Cropped jacket.

    Made famous by Coco Chanel, this item has become a fashion mainstay. You’ll have more opportunities for pairing with one in a solid color or traditional tweed.

  • Black cashmere wrap.

    A fabric that was once seen only in fall and winter has become a year-round regular.

  • Ballet flats (in a neutral or a versatile red).

    Equal parts sophisticated and practical, ballet flats, especially those with rubber soles, are easy on the feet but more polished than sneakers.

  • Basic black pumps.

    The workhorse of shoes, a good black pump can take you from day into evening without losing a step.

  • Metallic evening shoes.

    No shoes make you more party-ready than strappy sandals or pumps in a metallic tone. The surprise? Gold and silver are remarkably versatile.

Fall Basics

  • Cotton waffle robe.

    Perfect over pajamas or after a shower, this robe is far less bulky than its terry cloth cousin.

  • The tuxedo shirt.

    The ultimate day-to-night top, it has a crisp quality that makes it a great multitasker.

  • Fleece vest.

    Terrific over a turtleneck or peeking out from under a coat, a vest offers versatility in unpredictable autumn weather.

  • Athletic sweatshirt.

    As comfortable as a flannel pajama top—but appropriate for wearing in public.

  • Lightweight waterproof coat.

    Ideal for traveling, this practical item looks as right with a skirt as it does with a pair of jeans.

  • Khaki trench coat.

    Structured and stylish, it’s a true classic.

  • Leather blazer.

    A trim leather blazer brings a little sophisticated edge to any piece. Add a scarf and you’re ready to go anywhere.

  • Peacoat.

    No longer just navy blue, peacoats come in a range of colors and a variety of lengths.

  • Flat boots (black or brown).

    Knee-high styles work well with anything from full skirts and A-line dresses to narrow silhouettes.

  • Black heeled boots or booties.

    High-heeled boots are a fall-to-winter essential. Ankle-grazing booties fall somewhere on the daintiness scale between pumps and boots and make a stylish alternative to both.

Winter Basics

  • Heavy sweater.

    Look for a big, chunky knit that’s both comfortable and stylish.

  • Cashmere hoodie.

    More luxurious than the cotton variety, this layering piece is a sportier version of the cardigan.

  • Dark-wash jeans.

    A wardrobe standby in the cold winter months that’s available in a variety of cuts. Keep in mind that boot-cut and wide-leg styles work well over boots.

  • Pantsuit.

    Wear the jacket and pants together to show you mean business—or treat them like separates to maximize their use.

  • Gray flannel pants.

    These stylish standards look great with brown, navy, and black—and also with brights.

  • Wool trousers.

    Look for a lined pair in fine gabardine wool, made with a twill weave, which won’t feel too heavy.

  • Down vest.

    Works best in a neutral color like brown, black, or navy, so you can wear it with anything.

  • Black cashmere wrap coat.

    Whether calf or fingertip length, this elegant item will work for day or evening.

  • Winter coat.

    Fur-trimmed, down, or wool, a winter coat should offer enough room to accommodate a sweater or jacket.

Spring Basics

  • Cotton polo.

    More tailored than a T-shirt, it offers cool comfort on even the stickiest days.

  • Cotton blouse.

    An airy and attractive springtime fundamental.

  • Printed tops.

    A few boldly patterned pieces add life and color to spring basics.

  • Lightweight cashmere sweater.

    Single-ply cashmere offers comfort in over-air-conditioned offices and movie theaters.

  • Cotton button-up cardigan.

    Combines the softness of a sweatshirt with the elegance of a cashmere sweater.

  • Lightweight waterproof raincoat.

    Easy to carry as a guard against spring’s fickle skies, it blocks wind and rain without weighing you down.

  • One-button blazer.

    A cotton or lightweight-wool jacket is a pulled-together layer that can be removed when the temperature rises.

  • Inverted pleat skirt.

    As good looking with a tailored button-down shirt as it is with a tank top, it can be paired with a jacket for a more professional look.

  • Capri pants.

    These ankle-baring bottoms look great with ballet flats or strappy sandals.

  • Chinos.

    Comfortable cotton pants that are durable enough for a day in the park but still look proper in the office.

Summer Basics

  • Bathing suit.

    A well-fitting one- or two-piece in a go-anywhere color like black, white, or navy never goes out of style.

  • Convertible strapless bra.

    This adjustable undergarment looks smooth and natural under a strapless dress, tank top, or halter.

  • Cotton pajamas.

    A pretty patterned pair works as both loungewear and sleepwear.

  • Built-in bra tank.

    Offering coverage and support (and an end to visible bra straps), this tank can be worn to workouts or cookouts—and even to the office, under a jacket or sweater.

  • Ribbed cotton tank.

    Originally made for men, these shirts are now available in female-friendly shapes. Pick one that fits your figure—it works well alone or under a suit jacket.

  • Cotton blouse.

    Choose a lightweight top from a range of colors and a variety of prints.

  • Cotton printed dress.

    Stay comfortable even in heavy-duty humidity.

  • Strapless dress.

    A white one will show off a great tan, but black, navy, and camel also work beautifully.

  • Khaki shorts.

    The summer-wardrobe equivalent of air-conditioning, khaki shorts keep you cool, comfortable, and looking crisp.

  • Cotton drawstring pants.

    A good-quality pair will take you straight from yoga class to lunch with a friend.

  • White jeans.

    Available in a wide range of styles, white jeans look chic with almost any warm-weather top.

  • Flat leather sandals.

    A good pair of flat sandals will pair up with virtually anything from shorts to jeans to flowing skirts to bathing suits—and can even sub in for slippers, for minimal vacation packing.


List blogs are …

List blogs are the most useless kind of blogs. This is turning into a list blog.

Today I:

  1. Woke up and moaned and lay about in bed for a bit with cramps
  2. Decided that it wasn’t the most effective coping mechanism, cursed my period and dragged myself out of bed to go brush teeth and eat fresh fruit and a fried egg
  3. Rolled around in bed and finished reading Uncle Dynamite. I wish I had an Uncle Fred.
  4. Texted the boyfriend saying that I had found a brilliant substitution for ‘fuck’. It is ‘dickens’ 😀 Sample: What the dickens? The dickens? How the dickens? Only ‘ the dickens-ing ‘ sounds a bit clunky but ohwell. One step closer to being a real lady, one without a pottymouth.
  5. Decided that I will BE PRODUCTIVE.

Today I plan to:

  1. Commence my first actual day of work with an NGO, where I will go spend time with the children of prostitutes in Calcutta’s oldest red light district, Kalighat.
  2. Kiss my boyfriend.
  3. Make headway on my work term report which has been plaguing me like a bad case of the measles.
  4. Sign up for my fifth class
  5. Explore employment opportunities for the fall term in gray Waterloo
  6. Meet the gramps.
  7. Return home early enough to avoid the wrath of the parentals
  8. Make progress with reading one of the many books I have borrowed and decorated my windowsill with
  9. Meet best friend number 2.

Update: While I evidently avoided being terribly productive, I also:

  1. Brought the boyfriend home. He met the entire clan
  2. Started reading The Invention of Morel
  3. Managed to traumatize my phone to such an extent that it stopped sending outgoing messages in the middle of a conversation about the exact location of the urethra

so much letharg…

so much lethargy, i’ve fallen into a state of perpetual uselessness. hedonism still, but a lazy long sort of hedonism. i want to shake myself out of this. Again. major episode. four months flew by and along the way i lost a few pounds, gained a boyfriend, lost motivation and gained a propensity for smoke and spirits. so many new experiences, so many drifters, so much food. through this cocoon, that i’ve wrapped myself in, i dully realize that i’m fucking things up.

pinterest has taken over my life. yes, i realize exactly how lame that sounds. days of my life are draining away into nothing.

i have 30 days to go. i want to

  • volunteer
  • get back into my workout groove
  • learn a few basic yoga routines
  • learn a few simple dishes
  • read all the books i’ve been stockpiling
  • keep spending time with the fam and the gramps
  • stock up on my wardrobe for the next year
  • enroll for  the last class and brush up on official documents
  • get a part time position with a prof
  • get pumped up for the fall
  • submit my work report and get my work evaluation
  • possibly lose the blank.
  • gain a more toned stomach