This is not a Love-Letter

So I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we just make up our own language and fill it up with words that no one else knows, words that came into existence as we spoke? Let’s just create these things, because the thought of it is exhilarating to me.You are exhilarating to me. You are a beautiful thing, filling up my brain, taking up residence in all these cracks and crevices so that you leave me hardly any room to think of anything else. 

Beautiful. That’s not a word I use too much for people. You are a beautiful feeling- that moment when my breath catches in my throat for a brief second, when my heart does a back flip, only I accidentally call it a flip-flop because I’m too incoherent to even know what I’m saying anymore- it’s fleeting and forever all at the same time. It’s terrifying. 

Beautiful. You are beautiful. I overuse this word for things I love- for prose and poetry and Neruda and places and food. But not for boys, no, never, how could a boy- a real live one not made of celluloid screens- be beautiful, y’know? But you are. It’s not just your face, or that one mole you have on your shoulder below your left collarbone. It’s not the way that your too-tall skinny frame fits perfectly into mine when we’re lying side by side. It’s not those stupid sudden endearing things you do like the way you kiss my nose, or that jolt I feel when I look up at you and realize that I want you. I look at you up close, our noses almost touching, and I’m floored. 

It’s a feeling in the gut of your stomach, y’know? Almost a queasy one because you realize you’re in trouble, but you can’t- don’t want to stop. It’s the one that has been making me increasingly soppy and sappy and gooey-eyed with accelerating speed.

You are my summer. You’re the hard sunshine making me blink in the sudden light, you’re the cool comfort in the air when it rains. You are this insane whirlwind of colour, this really chill tangled mess that I want to run away to places with, metaphorically speaking, literally speaking. 

You are here now. With me.


Things I have done so far in Cal

I arrived on the 23rd of April, jetlagged and exhausted from the long-ass almost 24 hour flight from Toronto to Calcutta. Crossed oceans and continents and there I was. And here I am. And this is a bunch of stuff that I thought I should put down for posterity. So far I have

1. Visited the South Park Cemetary with Noor

2. Gone along with my uncle/cousin brother to a teeming slum where this tiny old lady beckoned to us, led us into her room/dwelling (for want of a better word), lifted up a ghoti from her puja shrine and sold my brother 100 Rs worth of ganja. Yep, so technically I TOTALLY scored. Of course I’ve never even come close to smoking pot. But it was pretty cool.

3. Visited Jora Sanko, Rob Tag (Rabindranath Tagore’s) house on Rabinda Jayanti- his birth anniversary.

4. Visited North Cal in the process

5. Chilled at Oly with a steak and Vodka meal. Chicken a la kieve too.

6. Bhaar er chaa at roadsides, frequently and with much relish

7. Watched The Avengers- T’s treat at Fame (solid, solid entertainment)

8. Dahi Vada from Vivekananda Park

9. Roamed around College Street and picked up 2 books- Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and Milan Kundera’s Laughable Loves.

10. Had lunch at the Presidency tank- book in hand (Brave New World), maggi and curious glances for company

11. Started work at The School of Tropical Medicine

12. Devoured books- LOVED (yes in capital letters) Shashi Tharoor’s The Great Indian Novel, Brave New World (only gets better on the second reading), Murakami’s Underground, The Fault In Our Stars by John Greene (wept bucketloads), and started on The Butterfly Generation

13. Spent an evening with Stoner Jesus at the Tolly bar, spilling out intimate secrets which were answers to questions that had never been asked before

14. Evening spent reading at Starmark (South City) and Crossword (Elgin Road)- read Animal Farm and TGIN

15. Raichak on a day trip with the whole extended mama bari Choudhury clan

16. Wedding reception with the whole extended Ghosh Dastidar clan

17. Afternoon at Tolly with the brother- dosas for lunch and coffee swirls for desert= perfection 🙂

18. Metro rides. Oh so so very many metro rides. WHY?

19. Afternoon at JU meeting all the fraands